I’ve shared many times how important the Enneagram has been to my life and my personal growth the past couple of years. I decided to start writing more in depth about it. In this post I tell you a little more about the Enneagram, why it is more than a personality test, where to start to find your type and how triads and stances can help you narrow it down after you take the test.
The first few times that I ran across the Enneagram, I took a test, read the results and moved on. But in 2018, I decided to dive in deeper. This left me no choice, but to examine myself. I had to try to figure out not only WHAT I do, but WHY. After all, that is really what the Enneagram is about – why you do what you do. On the surface that might sound easy. IT IS NOT! Maybe it was just me, but it really took some soul searching to really determine why I do what I do (and I am still learning). There was almost always something below the surface that I needed to dig into.
So what is the Enneagram and why does it matter?
The Enneagram is a tool for self discovery and personal growth. Beyond that, I believe it is a very usefull tool in managing the relationships in your life. As you learn it, you will know yourself better, hopefully move towards being more of your true self and learn about the motivations of those around you. Learning the Enneagram should give you more grace and understanding which you should use on others AND yourself!
I also believe that the Enneagram is a helpful tool for spiritual growth. Taking the time to learn more about yourself, why you do what you do and learning more about the true self that has been covered up, will in turn help you be closer to the person that God created you to be and help you grow closer to Him. The Enneagram is a tool, but transformation comes from the Gospel.
Simply put, Enneagram means 9 sided diagram. The Enneagram is a personality assessment with 9 core types.
There are 9 ways of seeing the world. We may experience similar situations but we don’t see them the same. We may do similar things but chances are we have different reasons for doing them. (i.e. cleaning your house). Once we realize this, people start to make a little more sense and we have an easier time being empathetic and understanding. We realize people aren’t doing XYZ because they don’t care or are lazy or selfish, but because they see the world differently. (Side note: from my recent reading of Brene Brown, being able to have different perspectives is also how we foster empathy.)
We each have different fears and desires that motivate us to do what we do.
One popular author and Enneagram coach, Beth McCord, explains it like having 9 shades of sunglasses. When we look through the different shades (blue/purple/green) the world looks a little different to each of us.
In the book The Sacred Enneagram, the author, Chris Heuertz says “…it exposes the nine ways we lie to ourselves about who we think we are, nine ways we can come clean about those illusions and nine ways we can find ourselves back to
God”
Ian Cron, in his book, The Road Back to You, says “…As little kids we instinctually place a mask called personality over part of our authentic self to protect us from harm and make our way in the world. Made up of innate qualities, coping strategies, conditioned reflexes and defense mechanisms, among lots of other things, our personality helps us know and do what we sense is required to please our parents, to fit in and relate well to our friends, to satisfy the expectations of our culture and to get our basic needs met.”
We are born into our true self and everything we encounter (as children) instinctively masks our true self with personality to protect us from harm and make our way in the world. How we mask ourselves or the personality we put on is dependent on how we perceive what is being said and done to us. It is not an intentional harm or wound, it is just what we decided we needed to do to make our way in the world.
Some other Enneagram tidbits:
*Your Enneagram number does not change. There are different theories on whether you are born with it or if it is learned. Based on what I have learned and read, I believe you are born with it, but your circumstance may determine how it plays out. You react to life dependent on your Enneagram number, but your circumstances don’t determine your number. Which is also why your number doesn’t change. You can’t change the way you see the world, but you can change what you do with it.
*People that share the same Enneagram number will look different. Think of it this way: If you decide to paint your kitchen green, you have a lot of choices of different greens at the paint store. Just like there are a lot of shades of each color, the same Enneagram number can look quite different.
*All numbers are created equal. They are all equally good and/or bad. Some may sound better but they aren’t. Also, when reading about the Enneagram, you may hear more negative than positive. That is simply because people relate more to what they see wrong than what they see right.
*The Enneagram isn’t meant to be used as a weapon against one another or as an excuse for behavior. It is meant to point your towards personal growth.
*Each Enneagram number has levels of growth. Most of us spend most of our time in average space, moving quite frequently (potentially all day long) from average to healthy and sometimes down to unhealthy. Most Enneagram material you will read will be aimed toward the average space. Someone that is healthy or unhealthy will look a little different. When we are aligned more with the Gospel we will see ourselves living in more of the healthy space but when we try to do things on our own we live more in the average space.
Finding Your Enneagram Number
So, how do you find out your Enneagram number? Most people start with a test. Know that the tests are a decent place to start but they are only about 60% (or less) accurate. Since the Enneagram is about motivation – WHY you do what you do and not WHAT you do, the tests can only go so far.
Here are a few of the tests that I have recommended, but the one I recommend the most is the first one, from Your Enneagram Coach, Beth McCord.
Your Enneagram Coach Assessment
Truity Enneagram Personality Test
Eclectic Energies Enneagram Tests
Once you get your results, take a look at the top 3-5 and not just the top one. As I mentioned, tests aren’t overly accurate, but they can be a good starting place. My real advice is to read a book. The book I always recommend first is The Road Back to You by Ian Cron. As your read you will be able to eliminate some of them pretty easily. For instance, although I wrested with 1, 2 and 3 for awhile, I knew pretty quickly that I was not a 4 or a 7. Podcasts can also be very helpful. When you hear other people talk about what it is like to be a certain number, it can really help you decide if that is something that you can relate to or not.
Enneagram Triads and Stances
Sometimes taking a test or even reading about the types can still leave you unsure. Figuring out your Enneagram number can sometimes takes months depending on how well you know yourself. Sometimes people have to start watching themselves, asking themselves questions and really paying attention to why they do something. There are a couple of other useful tools to help you narrow down or determine your Enneagram number. They are Triads and Stances. Triads and Stances refer to your intelligence centers. The intelligence centers are: Feeling, Thinking and Doing.
The Triads describe how you habitually take in, process and respond to everything you experience. They are the heart, head and gut triads. We all have access to all 3, but one is dominant and one is repressed. The third, supports our dominant center. When we first encounter something our first response determines our triad. We respond first with one of the following: what do I feel, what do I think or what am I going to do. This response determines your dominant intelligence center.
The Heart Triad is numbers 2, 3 and 4, which is also known as the Shame Triad. These types take in information from the word primarily through emotional and relational contexts. They are relationship oriented, perceive the world through feelings and emotional intelligence, relate to others emotionally, and are sensitive to the feelings and reactions of others. Their primary emotion is shame and their primary need is esteem and affection.
The Head Triad is numbers 5, 6 and 7, which is also known as the Fear Triad. These types take in information from the world primarily through rational cognition. They rely on mental faculties, gather information, generate ideas, plan, mentally process and use rational analysis. Their primary emotion is fear and their primary need is security and survival.
The Gut Triad is numbers 8, 9 and 1, which is also known as the Anger Triad. These types take in information from the world primarily through sensation and bodily experiences. They are movement oriented, lead with a gut instinct, take action or inaction and control their own environment. Their primary emotion is anger (usually from guilt) and their primary need is power and control.
Stances describe how we move through the world as well as our orientation to time. Stances are how we relate to one another. The triads (above) refer to what intelligence center is dominant, but stances refer to what is repressed.
Enneagram 1s, 2s and 6s are in the the dependent or compliant stance. They move towards people looking outside of themselves for what they need. They are others oriented. They tend to compare themselves to others. They also may not rethink or reconsider beliefs they had while growing up. Their orientation to time is the present. They look at what is immediately in front of them and live in the moment. They tend to neglect the future. Those in the dependent stance are “thinking repressed.” This means they have difficulty thinking in a productive way. They think a lot, but they get stuck in unproductive thinking or overthinking.
Enneagram 3s, 7s and 8s are in the aggressive (or assertive) stance. They move against (or stand independently from) people, facing challenges head on and going after what they need. They tend to carry a strong presence. They tend to be results oriented. Their orientation to time is the future. They are always looking to the future for what is next. They tend to neglect the past orientations to time and are prone to make rash decisions and repeat mistakes. They don’t take much time to reflect on the past, especially how they felt. They are “feeling repressed” and tend to stay busy to avoid feeling. They have trouble feeling in a productive or meaningful way. They tend to feel restricted by emotions.
Enneagram 4s, 5s and 9s are in the withdrawing stance. They move away from people and disengage. They believe they will find what they need within themselves. They take time to process before acting. They tend to be deliberate decision makers. They may withdraw into their imagination or their inner space. Their orientation to time is the past. They can be known to dwell on the past. They reference the past for how to think now. They tend to neglect the present. They are “doing repressed” and have trouble taking action in a productive way. They can either not get much done, or have a hard time prioritizing and therefore end up doing things just to keep busy and avoid what really needs done.
You may have notice that 3s, 6s and 9s are both dominant and repressed in the same intelligence center. Their stance tells you what they do with the information they take in (feel, think or do) but they don’t use this method to process. For instance, as a 3, I take in information with feelings, but then I push the feelings away because I can think they get in the way of productivity.
A note about Enneagram and children. I caution you in trying to type your kids. The reason for that is that is really difficult to know the “why” behind your child’s behavior and you don’t want to end up parenting them into a box. After about the age of 5 you can start seeing tendencies show up. This is where the stances may help. You may be able to identify which stance your child is in. This may help you parent them better. For instance if you have a withdrawing stance child, it is not helpful to rush them into making decisions, never let them have alone time, or put them in overly social or stimulating situation where all they want to do is withdraw. I am fairly certain that my daughter is in the aggressive stance and is future oriented. I honor this by helping her make plans and by not keeping our future plans from her.
Thoughts of Bridget 