When I decided to start my blog again it was because I wanted a place to share my thoughts. Mostly this was for me. I wanted something to look back on. I also wanted a way to put in writing how I feel and what I think. I thought it would be good for the journey I am on.
I also hoped that what I felt and thought had value and was worthy of sharing. Maybe this isn’t just for me. Just like I didn’t set out looking for this journey, maybe my words words and experiences will take others on their own journey.
I’ve done a lot of self-reflection and pondering which has led to a lot of personal growth in the last couple of years. This wasn’t intentional or planned. I didn’t decide one day that I wanted to be more self-aware and that I had a lot of growing to do. I just stumbled on something and it peeked my interest and it took me on a journey. One I am still on.
So, how did it start? What prompted me to embark on this journey? The Enneagram. If you don’t know much about it, that might seem silly to you. A personality assessment started a journey of self-awareness and growth? Yep. That is why I am passionate about it and want everyone to know about it.
The Enneagram has been so instrumental in my personal growth. It is also a very useful tool for strengthening relationships. Not everything I have learned has been related to the Enneagram, but it is what got me started on digging deeper, soul searching and figuring out more about myself.
Since it’s been such a big part of my life, it makes sense that I would want to write about it. This won’t be my only post about the Enneagram, but I thought I would start by sharing that journey with you.
Side note: Can Enneagram please be added to the dictionary so my computer can stop telling me I have a misspelled word? How do I make that happen?
I digress. Back to my journey.
About 2 years ago I was reintroduced to the Enneagram. I had heard of it before, but I never read or thought very much about it. It was just interesting and fun. In the summer of 2018, it grabbed my attention enough that I decided to read The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron. I was hooked. I read more books, I listened to podcasts and I talked about it to anyone that would listen.
Looking back I can see how intentional it was. Intentional on God’s part, not mine. I had just started seeing a counselor. It seems to make sense that at a time in which I was sitting down to talk to someone about things that aren’t going well and how I might be able to cope with that or find ways to improve situations that I would also be ready to take a deeper look at who I was.
This also wasn’t the first time I was intrigued by a personality assessment. I have always been interested in those. I pretty much take them all. But this time was different. I was fascinated. I quickly realized that Enneagram wasn’t just about personality traits. It was deeper than that. Once I started learning about myself, I realized it was also going to be very useful in relationships, but more on that later.
As I learned more, I realized that I had to really try to figure out not only what I do, how I think and what I feel, but I had to figure out the why behind all of those things. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. As I mentioned, the Enneagram is different. It isn’t just about what you do. In fact, it really is about why you do what you do. What is your motivation? The characteristics and behaviors stem from the why.
I had already thought of myself as a fairly self-aware person but I realized I had only scratched the surface on that. Not only that, but some of the things I had thought about myself weren’t exactly true. I had to learn more about myself. It took some time and soul searching. I had to think about my childhood. I had to think about my behaviors and figure where they came from. I had to figure out what was the driving force behind the actions.
Spoiler Alert: Not all of it is good.
Actually, I am still learning. I am still figuring out things about myself. I still have to consider and question why I do what I do, feel or think. Many times these things are not obvious, even to ourselves.
In the first draft of this blog post, I went into detail about some of the things that I found out about myself. I dissected some thought patterns that I have and how it affects the way I think, feel and act. But it was too vulnerable and I’m not ready for that yet. I will get there, but it is too soon.
You see, one of the things I realized is how fearful I am of vulnerability, failure and what you think of me. I’m not ready to dive deep into that here.
I am sure that this journey has impacted how I have experienced life in the last couple of years. I can’t say how things would have been different. I just know they would have been. I don’t know if it is obvious to most, but I am a different person than I was two years ago.
So how does a personality assessment affect my relationships? It gives me more understanding in how people see the world. The Enneagram taught me that we all see the world differently. We may experience the same things, but we don’t experience it the same way. There are 9 ways of seeing the world hence 9 Enneagram types.
Beth McCord, commonly known as “Your Enneagram Coach” explains that it is like having 9 shades of sunglasses. Due to the color shading of each pair of glasses we see things a little differently. So here we are all seeing situations a little differently than each other. Then to add to that, we also process what we have seen differently than each other. We may first think: how do I feel, what do I think or what am I going to do about this. Depending on what we do first changes how we experience the world. When we see the world differently and also process it differently than someone else, you can see how we might not be experiencing life the same.
“We can’t change the way we see the world, but we can change what we do with it.” This is one of my favorite (paraphrased) quotes from Suzanne Stabile. Learning the Enneagram won’t change what you see, but you can improve your response and your understanding. It can give you more understanding as to how other’s see the world.
The Enneagram opened my eyes to a new understanding of how different we are. Sometimes we can’t understand how someone could possibly feel, think or act a certain way. The Enneagram makes some sense of it. It gives us a new perspective.
We all have our struggles. I am not going to lie, the Ennegram will highlight those. But when we share our struggles, get to know each other and start understanding each other better, we can have a little more compassion for how people are experiencing life. Because when we understand better we show more grace. After all, who doesn’t want to experience more grace and compassion? Who doesn’t want to be heard and understood?
Stay tuned for more specific Enneagram posts.
Thoughts of Bridget 